Being Ready and Lying to Yourself are the Same Thing
I can’t believe that they’ll let anyone have a baby. Seriously, they don’t do background checks on new parents or anything. Sure, the hospital asked us if we had a car seat and running water, but did...
View ArticleThe Worthlessness Only a New Dad Can Feel
It didn’t take me long to realize that my presence is totally supplemental when it comes to taking care of Rosalie. There are many reasons for this, but the main ones are: I can’t feed her: When...
View ArticleIt was the Worst of Songs it was the Best of Songs
Throughout her pregnancy, Becky took to singing one song to her pregnant belly over and over. When she told me she was going to do this, I got excited at the possibility of what the song would be. If...
View ArticleEverybody’s Doing It
“Do you want to save Rosalie’s belly button?” Becky asked me, holding up the leftover part of the umbilical cord that finally fell of Rosalie’s navel. “That’s not her belly button, that’s a scab.” “A...
View ArticleThe Latest Reality Show Craze
Toward the end of Becky’s pregnancy, I feel like all we did was watch TV. She was too uncomfortable to leave the house, couldn’t sleep and couldn’t booze. So we watched a lot of Criminal Minds. And Law...
View ArticleBabies Don’t Have Teeth and Other Obscure Facts
I was looking at Rosalie tonight and realized that she didn’t have any teeth. Now, I’m sure I knew that babies aren’t born with teeth, but with Rosalie, I hadn’t thought about it. When I looked in her...
View ArticleWhen Grandma Gets Addicted
Rosalie has two grandmothers, and they are both addicts. The good news is that they are not addicted to alcohol, drugs or hoarding cats. They are addicted to the idea of a new granddaughter. As this is...
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